Cause it gets me nowhere…

So I had a scary hour or so. I thought I had been blocked and unfriended. Heart was pounding so hard I had to take a baby aspirin. It seems to have been a mistake. I’m… grateful it was, but at the same time, I know I don’t want to be in SL without him. Waiting a week, waiting two weeks is nothing – but I need to know we are okay.

I have been ghosted four times (and one person multiple times) in three years and I don’t think my nervous system can take any more. I’ll do everything I can to make this work and if it doesn’t, that’s it for me and SL. I’ve been told before “then don’t date” but that’s rather difficult – because it doesn’t usually happen on purpose.

I meet someone, we get along, it starts moving forward and then for one reason or another, everything comes to a screeching halt usually. Sometimes it’s me I know: I talk too much, I talk about things they don’t want to hear, I’m too emotional, or whatever. Sometimes I have no idea. At least once I visited someone’s house, showed them how to work their tv and then they blocked me later. I never had any idea why.

Then there were the two that I simply gave tours to – and when they both found out I did, they both bailed “because your life is too complicated”. Which was dang silly, because I didn’t even have any “dates” at the time. It was just simple showing off my place and my store. Why I rarely give tours anymore.

And of course the guy that kept disappearing. It took me a while to know for sure, but he had alternate lives. He’s stayed gone since I discovered one of the other ones. My question would be why the heck anyone would complicate your life in SL pretending to be with multiple people? It’s complicated enough with just one (as I found today)!

But one person can make it worthwhile. That’s what I know.

I also know how nervous I get. I’m so afraid of “stepping in it” even while trying to keep someone informed. I posted here and in chat about the alt “Edward Frost” and I posted photos of us dancing… But then when what seemed like avoidance happened, I worried that maybe he saw the pictures but didn’t get the messages and thought I was with someone else. And then I thought maybe it’s because I took everything off the island and he thought the castle was gone (IT’s moved, not gone and actually more furnished than it had been).

And… then I thought it was because I visited his house without permission… See? Everything gets rethought when something goes wrong. I try to second guess the situation because I hate not knowing.

Sorry… I need to write all this because it’s all that calms me down.

So advice would be “find an EASY” relationship. Well… but the time I had one (in RL) it fell apart because I got ghosted there – slowly over time, but yeah. The occasional “what ya doing” and I’d say what I was doing and get silence until another month had passed. About a year of that and I was done even thinking about it much. I never knew why, but I am beyond the point of asking.

This is different. I know he’s busy. I know there is a lot going on. I know he doesn’t want to talk much. And I know for sure I need to be patient. And I am… until I see something going wrong and then I start to panic. Then I can hold myself back — until there’s another bad sign and then i *really* panic. And then I feel like I absolutely have to ask for an explanation. I can take whatever it is, but what I find hard to take is being in the dark emotionally.

Because then I don’t know if I need to do something about it, or start the grieving process, or stand back and wait, or respond in kind.

If I know I have to “get over” someone, I can usually handle that pretty well – even when my 30 year marriage fell apart, I only went just a teeny bit nuts. And got counseling and went into another relationship shortly after. (No it wasn’t rebound – but the later situation (moving so far away) wasn’t something I was ready for at the time.) When that ended, I handled it.

Somehow this has affected me more because of all the “fits and starts” we’ve been through. Friends and unfriends and blocks and unblocks… We’ve both been pretty nuts over this stretch of time and I’d like to see us be more consistent. That doesn’t mean a lot of time; it means lots of time passing without any more arguments or mix-ups or mistakes. I think we can manage the first two, it’s the last part that worries me.

And if I give up on us, I’m giving up on love relationships completely, even rl. ‘Cause like I said, I don’t think my nervous system can take it. I’ve been calm this week, but constantly hungry. Fortunately I don’t have much in the house so I did not overeat. I also used hot chocolate as a soother. I guess to some extent I still have trauma from the last marriage (the short one). Being given the silent treatment every other week for as long as three days sometimes, I don’t handle it well. If I know someone’s busy I can hang on… but avoidance… drives me batty.

from a conversation….

[12:58] Sagefairy Sugar: One thing about women. When we leave a guy, he knows.
[12:58] Sagefairy Sugar: We’ll either tell him, yell at him, move our stuff out, or give some huge sign he can’t miss – like keying his car. haha
[13:00] Sagefairy Sugar: Guys don’t do that. They make themselves scarce, stop talking, go the silent treatment, or go behind your back with another female.
[13:00] Sagefairy Sugar: So that… every time a guy stops talking or isn’t around, we go batty.

It’s the one thing males do that makes us crazy. Be sure and tell us it’s fine, if it is, so we don’t unnecessarily start treading the path to the deep end of the pool. That’s responsibility = response-ability. Also we can’t assume because you said things were fine on Friday that they will still be fine on Monday. A lot can happen over a weekend. We overthink, and we can’t be sure that you won’t. And you could have met another…

Ohhhkay. I’m calm now. Logic has kicked in.

We females are always like this….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCcAIWu6nHM&ab_channel=OfficialMusicHome