Written because I must
Ah we’re a fine pair. I get scared the instant I feel rejection and push you away. And you seem to feel the attachment, but don’t really want to.
If anything, I want to bring you laughter and fun – but I haven’t been very good at doing that. As far as fun, I would suggest that if you really did spend money buying horses that I have two empty sims until the end of the month wish can provide a lot of riding. (I have been riding my own there.) If you want I can leave a dragon there too.
Laughter… We’ve been shopping, we’ve cuddled, and we’ve danced. But I can’t recall finding much to laugh about (with the possible exception of ourselves and our ridiculous push and pull acquaintance). I wish I knew what turns on your laugh.
And don’t ask me anymore why. If it made sense, if I could give you a big list of reasons, then it would be of the mind and not the soul or the heart. I’ve known people who were perfect and blew me away and yet I didn’t feel nearly as much.
My biggest regret is not getting to use the gorean fireplace with the cuddle rug you bought for the castle. That was us. And if you ask me what I want to do with you, that’s 80% of it and not so much talking or other stuff.
I don’t need words. I need presence – and the cool thing about SL is you can dance on a Hud and be there; without being there. People can lay in a bed or sit on a bench together and not move and be afk and yet, in viewing it *feels* like togetherness. When it comes to that, at this moment my avatar is laying in your bed (without you) and just because of that you feel nearer to me – even if I’m not aware of what your state of mind is. It’s a little crazy maybe. But no one else seems to think I act even a bit crazy except when I’m feeling so much.
I left you breadcrumbs, but you pass them by. I left a message in a bottle, but it missed your beach. I don’t know how to communicate where you can understand me. In real physical presence I could do that; a look into your eyes, a touch on a shoulder, a rub on the back. But that’s one thing avatars can’t really do and when they do, much depends on the other person getting the message. Like as many times as the “hug and kiss” hud seems to have been missed.
I know this: it will be a long time before I want to spend much time in SL without you. I’ll hang around a bit and see how you handle it, or if you avoid me or push me away. If that happens, I’ll spend my time in a different world and/or video games or Minecraft instead. If you don’t push me away, I will just hang around and just be there where I can at least feel close by. No pressure.
And just so you know, I haven’t been with anyone else since our last when you said what you said. I don’t think it was quite true, but maybe it makes you afraid. But I haven’t entertained anyone else since and believe me, I had chances. Don’t care.
I don’t know. I know you like music. What came to me as I was writing the above was this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y64rTtAjpRM&ab_channel=Heart-Topic
and the lyrics
https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/14264/
I don’t know if you can relate. Hopefully better than to poetry.